I am having issues at the moment. Got fired, going downwards in a spiral, connection problems at home with the Internet, about to start yelling at people.
Leave of absence
- Thread starter Hitman Zeus
- Start date
If you want to yell at someone without repercussions, just let me know... Or talking... Easier on the voice 
As an IT Consultant, I had expected it to end at the customer that fired me now. Consultancies does not last forever, and I really wanted to get away from the environment there. Problem is that its an International company and it just fired all of their consultants. I know that there are no one to take over my job at all, they are going to loose an associate later this month that is going to write her PhD and with me being forced to leave before July, they will be down two people. Not only that there is a person that have gone down in time, due to her social circumstances, but the department is already missing at least two people at different positions. So they are down 4,5 personal.
I am tired of it. I want to flip tables, I want to throw my PC out the window and never come back. I just want the people that I correct to fucking learn the mistakes that I point out to them, but no... Constantly the same mistake and that have now been going on for 1,5 years. Let them sail their boat now. Fucking hell, right now I am "learning" a new version of a program that I will be using for less then 3 weeks and I can't see any reason why the fuck I should. The program in itself have removed my role at the company, so why bother teaching me it?
Ofcause, they can call back a month later and say they need me, but what if I have signed another contract with another company? I can't fucking drop everything I have just to go back.
Fuck this honestly. I need more beer and more metal.
I am tired of it. I want to flip tables, I want to throw my PC out the window and never come back. I just want the people that I correct to fucking learn the mistakes that I point out to them, but no... Constantly the same mistake and that have now been going on for 1,5 years. Let them sail their boat now. Fucking hell, right now I am "learning" a new version of a program that I will be using for less then 3 weeks and I can't see any reason why the fuck I should. The program in itself have removed my role at the company, so why bother teaching me it?
Ofcause, they can call back a month later and say they need me, but what if I have signed another contract with another company? I can't fucking drop everything I have just to go back.
Fuck this honestly. I need more beer and more metal.
I hear ya, sounds like they're running the place into the ground. Best of luck finding a better company so what if (when) they do call back you can tell them to fuck themselves with a big purple dildo!
Have a drink, take a break and we'll see ya when you get back, Love ya Hitman!
So its been, what... 2 weeks now?
Alright?
I had a mental breakdown on the 5th of May, pretty much stayed in the bed all day. The day after, everything was fine. Suddenly, a bipolar episode, for no apparent reason.
I have over 170 cases laying on my workflow and 30-ish of them are cases full of errors and I have requested for the individuals to rework them for months now, yet no fucking thing is happening. The local manager does not do anything so I am sitting now, not doing my job anymore until they get their fucking fingers out of their arses and re-evaluate their fucking job and read their fucking cases through. And that is what is happening right now.
I do wish to leave the company, I just do not want to leave it due to budget cuts. The group I work with, do want to fight for me, but their manager does not want to. She is an individual that should not be a manager anyway.
Here on Tuesday the 26th a co-worker will come back from vacation and I have no real idea on how she will react. Her and I were close two years ago, but it's since moved to me disliking her. Why? She constantly tells me that I have been doing something wrong, but when I ask her why she didn't tell me about this change in our Standard Operating Procedure, she will tell me to look it up online... But I do not have access to database, since I am not employed by them, only an external employee.
Two months ago, I broke down due to stress. The manager wrote a fair e-mail and sent it around to the rest of the staff and explained what my assignments were, everything from the mail was followed. However, after I took two weeks off and came back, everything was back to same old. Constantly getting mails about quality checking a case, BUT I AM NOT LEGALLY ALLOWED TO DO QUALITY CHECK OF THIS CASE!! and they do fucking know it, if they just checked in the fucking system.
Today, I were very close just to flip the table and fucking leave.
My Business Manager already got something else in line for me, also in the medicine industry, and it looks like I will have a team of 6-8 people beneath me, back at the office I haven't been at for almost four years. Days are going to be longer, pay isn't going to go up, but if I sign a contract with this new customer and the old customer calls back saying "oh man, we fucked up"... I would not be able to help them.
The work pressure is to much. In the workgroup that is after mine, we just have had one go down with stress, and apparently our colleagues in Singapore is going to do my job. Yet they can't even write a fucking sentence grammatically correct. You don't "experienced suicide", you "commit suicide" for fucks sake...
I am rambling, and yet it is therapeutic...
Alright?
I had a mental breakdown on the 5th of May, pretty much stayed in the bed all day. The day after, everything was fine. Suddenly, a bipolar episode, for no apparent reason.
I have over 170 cases laying on my workflow and 30-ish of them are cases full of errors and I have requested for the individuals to rework them for months now, yet no fucking thing is happening. The local manager does not do anything so I am sitting now, not doing my job anymore until they get their fucking fingers out of their arses and re-evaluate their fucking job and read their fucking cases through. And that is what is happening right now.
I do wish to leave the company, I just do not want to leave it due to budget cuts. The group I work with, do want to fight for me, but their manager does not want to. She is an individual that should not be a manager anyway.
Here on Tuesday the 26th a co-worker will come back from vacation and I have no real idea on how she will react. Her and I were close two years ago, but it's since moved to me disliking her. Why? She constantly tells me that I have been doing something wrong, but when I ask her why she didn't tell me about this change in our Standard Operating Procedure, she will tell me to look it up online... But I do not have access to database, since I am not employed by them, only an external employee.
Two months ago, I broke down due to stress. The manager wrote a fair e-mail and sent it around to the rest of the staff and explained what my assignments were, everything from the mail was followed. However, after I took two weeks off and came back, everything was back to same old. Constantly getting mails about quality checking a case, BUT I AM NOT LEGALLY ALLOWED TO DO QUALITY CHECK OF THIS CASE!! and they do fucking know it, if they just checked in the fucking system.
Today, I were very close just to flip the table and fucking leave.
My Business Manager already got something else in line for me, also in the medicine industry, and it looks like I will have a team of 6-8 people beneath me, back at the office I haven't been at for almost four years. Days are going to be longer, pay isn't going to go up, but if I sign a contract with this new customer and the old customer calls back saying "oh man, we fucked up"... I would not be able to help them.
The work pressure is to much. In the workgroup that is after mine, we just have had one go down with stress, and apparently our colleagues in Singapore is going to do my job. Yet they can't even write a fucking sentence grammatically correct. You don't "experienced suicide", you "commit suicide" for fucks sake...
I am rambling, and yet it is therapeutic...
Shit man, sounds like you could use another vacation! Or at least a different position (May I suggest 69?
At least your Business Manager is helping out with another contract. Good Luck Hitman, ya fuck! And remember, if you ever want a break to shoot some dickless pieces of goat raping shit, we're always here to help ya commit war crimes against the NC and VS!
Here is some advice you don't want to have.
You need to make a decision, and it better be to leave like a pro.
To me you seem stuck in the "so very personal pseudoemployee"-trap as a consultant, and the only way out of that deathmarch that I know is to ...leave like professional. Do you job (and you better define the limits of that right now) and do it well, then leave. The way you leave reflects not only on you, but your employer which again will have an impact on later (if any) opportunities. And it sets the tone for how you handle the next assignment.
Want a stressed out team? Give them a freaked out teamlead with a strong smell of ashes from the previous assignment.
Right now you are like the bull in a rodeoshow.
The bull can be the boss studbull of all times, a fantastic specimen that you would call a super workhorse if it was not for those nasty horns and the will to break thru walls, but it's all just for that one show, because... You do know what happens to those bulls?
They get ridden to death, and the customers only care about the riders.
(Well, if you actually are the real boss studbull then you most likely end your days fucking your brains out and walking about with a vaccum pump attached to your penis to maximize profits from your juice, but that is different story for another day...)
So take responsibility for your mental health because they certainly will not, take that frustration out on sports/home furniture/molesting lamppoles/whatever so you are able to make a coolheaded decision about work limits, perform like a damn star inside those limits then leave.
Then you actually win something worhwhile.
//end of rant.
You need to make a decision, and it better be to leave like a pro.
To me you seem stuck in the "so very personal pseudoemployee"-trap as a consultant, and the only way out of that deathmarch that I know is to ...leave like professional. Do you job (and you better define the limits of that right now) and do it well, then leave. The way you leave reflects not only on you, but your employer which again will have an impact on later (if any) opportunities. And it sets the tone for how you handle the next assignment.
Want a stressed out team? Give them a freaked out teamlead with a strong smell of ashes from the previous assignment.
Right now you are like the bull in a rodeoshow.
The bull can be the boss studbull of all times, a fantastic specimen that you would call a super workhorse if it was not for those nasty horns and the will to break thru walls, but it's all just for that one show, because... You do know what happens to those bulls?
They get ridden to death, and the customers only care about the riders.
(Well, if you actually are the real boss studbull then you most likely end your days fucking your brains out and walking about with a vaccum pump attached to your penis to maximize profits from your juice, but that is different story for another day...)
So take responsibility for your mental health because they certainly will not, take that frustration out on sports/home furniture/molesting lamppoles/whatever so you are able to make a coolheaded decision about work limits, perform like a damn star inside those limits then leave.
Then you actually win something worhwhile.
//end of rant.
She probably need some love (read dick) and you need vacation and new job.
Even with less payment, health is more important.
You know what I did today?
I left right after lunch.
Messaged my other business manager to call me and we talked twice for about an hour on what I should do the next five weeks until the contract runs out. I was told to hang on and hold out, while seeing how tomorrow morning would look. "We don't want to leave on bad terms".
I cried.
I have not cried like that for years. Not since school and the bullying I got back then.
I fell asleep with the dogs watching over me this afternoon. I haven't had that in a while. Right now they are not more then two meters away from me at any time.
When I arrived this morning at my office, Birgit that I share it with, told me that the chairs, phone, papers, pretty much everything was all over the place. Our office is being used as teleconference room when we leave and people don't give a fuck about personal space. I got pissy and put of a note people can't miss when they leave the room.
This is the stuff I have to work with every day.
I am sad because I will miss some of the people there and I have enjoyed the assignment.
I am relieved that the work pressure will disappear.
I am angry that people can't fucking think for them-selfs and check their fucking work before I get it and are told to amend their errors.
I will talk to my doctor tomorrow and see if I can get it in writing.
I left right after lunch.
Messaged my other business manager to call me and we talked twice for about an hour on what I should do the next five weeks until the contract runs out. I was told to hang on and hold out, while seeing how tomorrow morning would look. "We don't want to leave on bad terms".
I cried.
I have not cried like that for years. Not since school and the bullying I got back then.
I fell asleep with the dogs watching over me this afternoon. I haven't had that in a while. Right now they are not more then two meters away from me at any time.
When I arrived this morning at my office, Birgit that I share it with, told me that the chairs, phone, papers, pretty much everything was all over the place. Our office is being used as teleconference room when we leave and people don't give a fuck about personal space. I got pissy and put of a note people can't miss when they leave the room.
This is the stuff I have to work with every day.
I am sad because I will miss some of the people there and I have enjoyed the assignment.
I am relieved that the work pressure will disappear.
I am angry that people can't fucking think for them-selfs and check their fucking work before I get it and are told to amend their errors.
I will talk to my doctor tomorrow and see if I can get it in writing.
What wonderlove said - leave like a professional, but get the fuck out. I was VERY close to hitting a wall last year, so I speak from experience.
I was "lucky" since I had physical symptoms - about 30 minutes after I came to work I would start to shake uncontrollably. 30 minutes after I left it stopped. On the second day I went to a doctor, who put me on sick leave for a month. During that time I analyzed the situation and decided to quit. Had a few talks with my employer and left on good terms.
Spent close to a year unemployed, just regenerating, enjoying life, talking to people, playing games - the best time I've had in the last decade! After some months I started to look for a new job, but was very picky about it. I wanted to work on my terms. Found a good job recently and started working about 10 days ago and I'm loving it. This will probably be a place where I'll stay for many years.
Some things I learned:
1. Never put your job ahead of your health. It's not worth it. Period. Full stop. (Whatever)
2. If you have money put away or any unemployment benefits - consider using them to have a break. This will give you time to analyze your situation, but most importantly to analyze yourself. If you have trouble doing that, find a therapist to help you pick your brain.
3. Once you've regenerated and gotten to know yourself a little better, look for a workplace that will suit you and that offers a job you'll like doing, don't go for the first shitty option unless you have to.
4. Readjusting your sleeping rhythm after 12 months of never using an alarm clock is fucking hard.
I was "lucky" since I had physical symptoms - about 30 minutes after I came to work I would start to shake uncontrollably. 30 minutes after I left it stopped. On the second day I went to a doctor, who put me on sick leave for a month. During that time I analyzed the situation and decided to quit. Had a few talks with my employer and left on good terms.
Spent close to a year unemployed, just regenerating, enjoying life, talking to people, playing games - the best time I've had in the last decade! After some months I started to look for a new job, but was very picky about it. I wanted to work on my terms. Found a good job recently and started working about 10 days ago and I'm loving it. This will probably be a place where I'll stay for many years.
Some things I learned:
1. Never put your job ahead of your health. It's not worth it. Period. Full stop. (Whatever)
2. If you have money put away or any unemployment benefits - consider using them to have a break. This will give you time to analyze your situation, but most importantly to analyze yourself. If you have trouble doing that, find a therapist to help you pick your brain.
3. Once you've regenerated and gotten to know yourself a little better, look for a workplace that will suit you and that offers a job you'll like doing, don't go for the first shitty option unless you have to.
4. Readjusting your sleeping rhythm after 12 months of never using an alarm clock is fucking hard.
